One Child, Two Classrooms: Home and School in Jewish Education

As published in Prizmah’s HaYidion – February 18, 2026

The Largest Family

At the funeral for his son Daniel, who was killed in battle on October 7, Rabbi Doron Perez, chair of World Mizrachi and president of the World Zionist Organization, said the following: “We may indeed be the smallest people on Earth, but we are the largest family.”

There is something so moving about describing the Jewish people not only as a nation or as members of a tribe, but as a family. Because family implies that no matter our differences, we are one. We care about each other and look out for each other. As “the smallest people on earth,” we are vulnerable, but as “the largest family,” we are strong.

However, as we explored previously about staff, there can be downsides to using the language of “school family” rather than “school community.” Can a relationship truly feel authentic when it includes transactional expectations of tuition and donations? If a child’s needs are not being met in school, does that mean the school doesn’t care? If need be, can a school counsel out a student who is part of their family?

Who Is Responsible?

Regardless of language, the question remains: What is the relationship between educators and parents? Are parents merely customers who hire educators to help their children learn? Can they outsource their educational responsibilities and expect the school to raise their children and instill Jewish pride and values? Are educators simply service providers who do their best with each child but bear no responsibility for how they grow up? When a child chooses a different path than the one their parents expected or hoped for, is it the school’s fault? (“Eighteen years of day school education and my child doesn’t ___?”) When a child struggles academically, socially or emotionally, is it the parents’ fault? 

The answer, of course, is that for the child to succeed, parents and educators need to both take responsibility. The question is, how do we build a culture of partnership rather than blame? 

Education Starts at Home

The most important and impactful classroom in which a child will ever learn is their home. No matter how brilliant their teachers are in school, where children spend most of their waking hours during the school year, children learn more from watching and listening to their parents. Which means that parents must think of themselves, at all times, as teachers.

Rav Yosef Dov Soloveichik beautifully describes the Jewish education he received at home:

I used to have long conversations with my mother. In fact, it was a monologue rather than a dialogue. She talked and I “happened” to overhear. What did she talk about? I must use a halakhic term in order to answer this question: she talked to me inyana de-yoma. I used to watch her arranging the house in honor of a holiday. I used to see her recite prayers; I used to watch her recite the sidra every Friday night and I still remember the nostalgic tune. I learned from her very much. Most of all I learned that Judaism expresses itself not only in formal compliance with the law but also in a living experience. She taught me that there is a flavor, a scent and warmth to mitzvot. I learned from her the most important thing in life—to feel the presence of the Almighty and the gentle pressure of His hand resting upon my frail shoulders. Without her teachings, which quite often were transmitted to me in silence, I would have grown up a soulless being, dry and insensitive. The laws of Shabbat, for instance, were passed on to me by my father; they are a part of mussar avikha. The Shabbat as a living entity, as a queen, was revealed to me by my mother.

During Covid, when many schools held classes over zoom, parents were able to glimpse what life is like for teachers trying to engage a class of students. And with their kids stuck at home, they realized more than ever that the home environment is just as, if not more, crucial than school for children to learn.

What does this mean in practice?

Student profile: Parents need to understand each of their children’s unique learning styles, academic abilities and emotional needs.

Learning plans: Parents need to be clear about what they want to instill in their children, and make a plan for what needs to be true for those goals to be met.

Student support: When a child struggles, parents need to communicate with teachers in a positive tone of partnership to understand what isn’t working, what has been tried so far and what other strategies might help.

Assessment: Parents should see their children for who they really are, with all their strengths and weaknesses, and rather than feel defensive or upset, provide unconditional love and encouragement. 

Parenting Continues at School

Just as parents must learn to see themselves as educators, the reverse is also true: Teachers need to play parental roles as well.

In many places in the Torah, we see teachers described as parents. For example, on the famous words from the Shema, “And you shall teach your children” (Devarim 6:7), Rashi tells us, “This refers to the students.” And the Talmud (Sanhedrin 19b) teaches that Aharon’s sons are called “the sons of Moshe and Aharon” (BaMidbar 3:1) because Moshe taught them, which shows that whoever teaches Torah is considered a parent. Because to really impact a child, it is not enough to be an expert in the subject matter. You have to love the child and know them like a parent does.

What does this mean in practice?

Connection: The teacher as a “parent” tries to connect with each student on an emotional level to build trust and thereby allow the child to feel more comfortable to share their struggles without feeling judged or dismissed.

Observation: The teacher as a “parent” gets to know each student so well that they notice when something is a little off. If the child’s behavior or appearance shifts in any way, the teacher notices and asks questions, which leads to uncovering what the child needs.

Pride: The teacher as a “parent” celebrates their student’s successes and accomplishments just as they would for their own child. There is nothing more meaningful to a student to be recognized by the teacher for the accomplishments, hard work and ultimate growth in school.

Direction: The teacher as a “parent” gives feedback and redirection in a firm but caring manner that helps the student learn which behaviors are appropriate and which are not, while at the same time knowing that they are cared for.

In the end, parenting does not stop at the school doors, and teaching does not end with the lesson plan. When a school functions as a true family rooted in care and shared responsibility, students gain not only knowledge but also confidence, resilience and a deep sense of belonging.

The Partnership Between Horim and Morim

For our children to have a healthy upbringing, there needs to be a partnership between home and school. Parents must embrace their role as the primary educator of their child. And teachers must view their role as not just teaching their students but in helping raise them.

What does this mean in practice?

Trust: Parents should feel that when their child goes off to school each day, they will be nurtured and cared for in a safe environment. And teachers need to feel that their expertise is valued and that they are given the benefit of the doubt.

Communication: In order to be on the same page, there has to be ongoing communication, not just a few times a year during parent-teacher conferences. Parents need to know what is happening in the classroom and how their child is doing. And teachers and administrators need to know what is happening at home. Simple moments of connection, such as a greeting at morning carpool, a phone call before a chag, or reaching out to acknowledge a family milestone, help cultivate the warmth and reassurance that parents seek from their school community.

Facetime: Creating opportunities for parents to come into school fosters warmth, belonging and a strong sense of school family. Seeing the environment where children spend their days reassures parents and builds trust in the school setting. While virtual conferences offer convenience, they often lack the personal connection of face-to-face interactions. In-person and phone conversations allow for greater empathy, understanding and relationship-building than written communication alone.

Appreciation: Teachers want to feel seen, valued and appreciated, and positive feedback plays an important role in building trust and morale. When parents regularly acknowledge teachers’ efforts and share reflections on programs, projects or meaningful learning moments, it strengthens mutual respect and supports open, constructive communication between home and school.

As he so often does, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks (“On Parents and Teachers”) says it best:

Moses and Aaron epitomise the two great roles in Jewish continuity—horim and morim—parents and teachers. A parent hands on the Jewish heritage to their children; a teacher does likewise to their disciples. Aaron was the archetypal parent; Moses the great example of a teacher (to this day we call him Moshe Rabbeinu, ‘Moses our teacher’). Aaron was succeeded by his son; Moses by his disciple Joshua…. Some are given the privilege of being a parent; others, the privilege of being a teacher. Both are ways in which something of us lives on into the future. Parent-as-teacher, teacher-as-parent: these are Judaism’s greatest roles, one immortalised in Aaron, the other made eternal in Moses.